Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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