Rock
Scissors
Fuck
That's when you crack a 10am beer
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize