I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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