Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize