If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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