her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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