I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
