you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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