I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
