also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
