omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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