Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
