i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
