I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
