I am in a vortex of obligation.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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