i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
