Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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