The maid of honor just puked.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
