did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i was born a porn star she said
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
MIDGETS
????
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
