they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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