Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
