paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
