i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
