Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I want to be your penis for a week.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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