i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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