Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
