I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
