Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
