she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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