I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
