You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
