Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
