They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
