I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
