mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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