I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
