Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
