Where did you get a picture of my penis
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All I want is dick and wine.
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