I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
