I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
