Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
