Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
