also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
tell me about the eggs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
