Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize