Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
