I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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