I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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