ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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