im six kinds of drunk right now
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
