my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
