I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
