i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
