I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize