can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
