We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
