Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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