the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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