My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Randomize
