what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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