HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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