Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you still have your period?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
