is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
