I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
