His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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