Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize