Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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