Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
