This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
