I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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