I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
