New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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