margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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