we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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